Who is Sheila Ann Tahir?

     S.A.T., not to be confused with the standardized testing bearing the same appellation, came into this existence roughly twenty moons ago on the lost city of Atlantis. In S.A.T.'s present form, flowing curls the color of sea foam adorn a head too large for the slender neck that supports it, consequently causing S.A.T. to wilt with the weight of accumulated centuries of feckless conjectures and hopeless disappointments (and producing an unsightly tripe chin from certain angles). These thoughts, though pointless, stem from S.A.T.'s immortality. So, too, does S.A.T.'s disillusionment with life as it is. For it is known that S.A.T. is constantly dying and being reborn; a curse with karma has caused S.A.T. to embody such dissimilar bodies as a psilocybin toadstool and an extremely attractive monkey (thus explains the recent AIDS epidemic). 
     In the present, S.A.T.'s morbid speculations on the order of the universe have caused quite the stir amongst humanity; this unique being's singular insight into life and its foibles over the ages, in different forms, has afforded S.A.T. a cushy, plush existence that any materialistic American would envy. Replacing Oprah as talk show pundit plus publishing many manuals per annum upon such controversial topics as the depressing nature of the asexual and the inevitability of every man being a potential rapist, S.A.T. has been hailed as the guru of our times and the world's most desirable (and only) single phoenix.
     Unfortunately for us, this phoenix will all too soon return to the flame. More disenchanted than usual with society as it is today, S.A.T. has vowed to leave this Earth and its fleetingly obsolete technology behind, to return in a more enlightened and less obese age. S.A.T. has always expressed a desire to die in New Orleans, which is not only S.A.T.'s birthplace but what will also become the phoenix's elephant graveyard.

 An unflattering rendering of S.A.T. in the phoenix's present form. May the next reincarnation have reproducibles.